THE MIC HAS CONSEQUENCES: QUEER CULTURE, POLITICS, OUTRAGE & WHO CONTROLS THE STORY | Zach Randles-Friedman

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome home. Welcome back to War We're All Recovering. My guest today, Zach Randles Freeman. Zach is a podcast host like myself, producer and cultural commentator whose work lives at the intersexual or personal storytelling, current events, identity, politics, and LGBTQ culture. He's the creator and host of Everything and Anything and A Bit Gay, a long-form interview podcast built around conversations about identity, creativity, healing, transformation, and people's personal stories. He also hosts Listen Up Girl, where he tackles news and commentary through an LGBTQ lens, including civil rights, culture, politics, representation, transgender rights, media narratives, and a real world consecration of public policy. And that's where this gets interesting. Because Zach isn't just interviewing people. He's talking about subjects where people are angry. People are divided. People feel unheard. And sometimes everybody thinks they're the good guy. So I'm not interested in doing 45 minutes of tell me about your podcast. Hell no. I want to know what happens when identity meets politics, when advocacy meets journalism, when representation meets disagreement, when outrage becomes profitable, and whether we're actually listening to one another or just waiting for our turn of attack. Zach, welcome home. Thank you so much. I love your show and thanks for having me on. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. It's a pleasure having you here. Let's start. Let's get right into it.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

Yeah, I think that thank you for the nice introduction. I I do my podcast to do a couple of reasons because I want to tell people stories and I do the news because this world is not great right now that we're living in. And there's a there's a lot of people that are underrepresented and they're just being taken advantage of. And I try to tell those stories so people actually are listening and they're informed about what's happening. And I I I talk about so many different communities and groups on my podcast. And just I I think it's important that and I and I don't give fake news when I'm talking about it. I look up to make sure what I'm talking about is the real deals. And I like it. It's not, I'm just I'm gonna add some drama into it or make some fake news just to get some clicks. I don't care about that. I I want people to really know what's happening in the world.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Exactly. I love it. I love that. And your work deals heavily, heavily with identity. Yeah. So I'm going to do something slightly unfair right out the gate.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Let's take away gay, take away podcaster, take away producer, the commentator, let's take away politics, your career. Every label society gives you. Tell me who the hell is Zach?

SPEAKER_03 2:49

I am a person that uh doesn't want to work in a corporate job anymore. Uh, I want to do not to bring cop podcasting in, but I want to do podcasts. I love telling stories. I'm a storyteller. I am a very loyal and kind person and a kind friend. And uh, once you are my friend, I will do anything for you. Love my family, I love my community, and I just I I and I and I look at a I want a world, I want it to all live in a better world. That's who I am. That's and I look to try to make this place that we're living in better because there's so much negativity in the world and there's so much bad things happening. And I just I'm the type of person that wants to make a difference and try to make changes into the world. So and not bringing in politics or anything like that into it. Just it could be anything could be going bad, and people people aren't eating right, or people aren't eating at all, and families are abusing children and things like that. It's terrible. I want all those things to be corrected in the world. I would I would love to live in a better much better world.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Right. That's heaven. That's heaven. I'll I I see it the same way, man. It just seems like we're so far from that and that something catastrophic has to happen in order when they say you gotta reach rock bottom in order to change or whatever, or the I think something has to happen like that. We had the twin towers and everything. We have we have things that's real terrible, but I think it has to be more than that in order for things to change. And if you if you want to talk biblical, people say some people say, well, the whole world has to be destroyed in order to be rebuilt and to make it better. Yeah. I could actually see that. That's what I mean when I rock bottom. It's it is is better it's terrible to think that way, but man, something has to give. I just don't see it changing for the better.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

I agree. I think something has to happen. I when this trying to avoid politics a little bit, but when this whole Iran war is happening and they start talking about nuclear, they're gonna nuke Iran at some point. I'm like, they do that, this world is dead, this this world is gone. So uh because it's just gonna give once one country does it, another country's gonna do it, and I just feel like that that's what's gonna reset everything if that happens. Right. I'll tell you, I'll tell you another thing that I thought, which is crazy, that I thought that may not be bad, but and and this is far out there, but I'm gonna say it anyway. I they keep talking about all this disclosure of UFOs and stuff. I'm like I'm like if a UFO would actually come here and sh present itself like the alien, that's what I think a reset that could happen that would make better.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:24

So I think it'll change out there, but yeah, it'll change.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

I I really I don't want to get into the whole UFO thing, but I really believe that we're not alone and they're amongst us and that we've been in contact with them. Our government has been in contact with them for a long, long time now, studying them and and vice versa. So I something is happening, and yeah, but I think that'll change the whole game, especially religiously.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

Yeah, and that's and and not to kill religion or anything, but if you think about all these wars and stuff that's happening, a lot of them are based around religion too. So I think that would reset a lot of things as well. If we could just uh we need the aliens, let them land on the White House lawn, and then let's see what happens.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Right, right, exactly. Break break whatever treaty they have between us and them. Because I know that it's something going on. There's something going on for sure. Right, right, right. Right, right. We'll save that for another show. Okay, sounds good. So before hosting these shows, you spent years working around communications, media, branding, and storytelling. W when when did you realize I don't just want to help communicate somebody's somebody else's message anymore? I have something to say myself.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

I was working for a company and they, it was a pharmaceutical company, and they said I I came up with the idea we should do a podcast for our company. Because a lot of companies were starting to think about doing this. And then they're like, Yeah, we should. Let's do it. But they're like, but you gotta host it. I'm like, uh no, I I'm not, I don't want to be, I don't want to host it. I don't have the right voice for a podcast. I don't want to see myself on camera. I'm not hosting it. They're like, well, you came up with it, you're gonna host it, and that's and try it. So I did it and I actually liked it. The podcast for this company did well, and left that company and I missed it. And I have a friend that's in audio, video, and does all this stuff. He's like, you should start your own podcast. I'm like, no one's gonna, no one cares what I have to say. And he's like, Well, think about some things that you think are important. Somebody might think they're important. Right, right. And so I said, All right. So I started off interviewing some friends and talking about my life, and then bringing some other people in that had some interesting stories who like they survived bad things that's happened in their life. And then the numbers just started growing, and then I'm like, Well, this is I love this. Yeah. And then I was waking up every morning to because I work from home. I was working from home and I was working in a corporate job. I'd wake up every morning, I'm like, man, I don't want to go upstairs to that office. I don't want to do the same Zoom meetings and talk to the same boring people every day. And uh then March, I'm just like, I'm out, I'm done. I'm gonna do this podcast full time and see how it goes. And worst case scenario, I have to go get a job again. So that that that's what I decided to do.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Right.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

And it's going well. I'm still not a hundred percent sure if I made if I I'm not a hundred I know I made the right decision at the moment. I'm just not sure maybe I should get a job so I have another income coming in. Oh I gotta figure it out. Right. I'm giving myself I'm giving myself a few more weeks to figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Oh man, I I checked uh I checked it out over the weekend. I checked your podcast out over the weekend, man. You got you got a good followers, you doing good, man. You got the you got the look, you got the talk, you got the everything you say you didn't have, you got it. So Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, just just stay with it, man. Just stay with it. And I know without risk, there's no reward. So yeah, so you do your thing, man. Well, how about you? When how did you get started? I got started. Uh, I was in a recovery uh program, an inpatient PTSD program. And the little speeches, they like to put you uh in the forefront and everything. And the little speeches I would give all of the doctors and nurses and stuff like that, all the staff would tell me, you could you really have something to say. Your stories are impactful, and you you could speak really well and people pay attention. You should do something. And I've kept hearing that for the whole six months. Yeah. I was in there, share your story, man. And and my my my aunt was telling me, you have a testimony, a testimony. You need to share your testimony. And I was like, my friend has a podcast, and I was like, well, that might be a good outlet to help people give them my testimony, and maybe I'll help some people out there. And it's like therapy for me as well. Exactly. So I decided to start this.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

But do you ever reflect back on thinking about how many people you probably have helped with your podcast and stuff just by what you're saying?

SPEAKER_00 9:40

I I've never thought about it. I've thought about the yeah, I I I never thought about it. And I know I see I get all these downloads and and buzz sprouting all of them. They they send me the my weekly reports, and I'm doing really well. So I know people are getting the message, but I've never thought about it helping people in that way. Because I've also got hate messages as well.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Yeah, but that there's always those trolls and those haters, so who cares about them?

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

But you should think about though, even if you hit two people that listen to your show and you made a difference, you can you could have made a difference in somebody's life. And I think your your show like yours does that often. And I and I I and I hope that you do think about that a little sometimes. You just think about how the good impact that you're making.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna think about that.

SPEAKER_03 10:23

As soon as I get off with you, I well, I'm thinking about it during this uh whole But once a week, just stop and think about even if you got one person that week that listened to your show and you changed the way they were thinking or changed their life, that's that's amazing that you could do that. Because that's like a real human life, and that's how you should think about it.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Right, right. Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. I I will well do. But I gotta ask about the the this title. Okay. Everything and anything in a bit gay. Yeah. That's br I'm just looking at the title for the first time, I actually thought brilliant. No, because it sounds like the title of a podcast and a warning label at the same time. Yeah. Where did that come from?

SPEAKER_03 11:04

So I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to talk about. I knew I wanted to talk about really anything I wanted to. So I just said, anything, everything and anything, I'll talk about. And then I'm like, it's got to be a little bit gay sometimes. And because I want to have some people in the LGBTQ plus community in my show, but it's not always gay, it's or LGBTQ focused because I've I have probably more people that are not part of that community than I do that are. But I sometimes I'll talk to a psychic medium and they're telling me about all right, I did a pass did a past life regression with this woman. She took me back to my past lives. I've talked to a real housewife, so I've talked to a woman that survived being cheated on by her husband for 10 years, and now she's super successful. And I talked to, I talked to people that were cult survivors. Right. Um I talked to a guy that's teaching people how to do self-defense. Uh, and then he's like, there's a lot of people out there that are you would never be able to stick up for themselves if they were attacked, and he's teaching people how to do self-defense. And so I brought him on my show to talk about that. So if I find somebody, I get about 75 emails a week now of people wanting to come on my show. And so I only pick three every week. Right, right. And so it's pick the people who I think are the most interesting, and I'm pretty good now at picking them. Uh I've had some duds on before, I'll admit back earlier. But for the most part, I can find I find really good guests that are interesting. I've only there's only been two guests that I have not aired because they were just not the right people. They didn't say they weren't representing who they really were when they became on my podcast.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

Right, right, right. It's like a hit or miss, man. It's like yeah, yeah. I I I fill you with the emails and picking it it could be overwhelming at times, but gotta roll with it.

SPEAKER_03 12:50

I want to ask you though, now that you have a podcast, do you have friends asking you for little extra favors here and there and stuff like that?

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yeah. Oh yes, oh yes. But with me, Zach, I don't really have a big circle. Now I've kind of decreased my circle and I'm decreasing it daily. I wake up, I I go to sleep thinking about it. I wake up and like, who can I cut off today?

SPEAKER_03 13:14

Did the same thing in my life when I turned 50? I did the same thing. I'm like, yep, this person's out. I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Yeah, yeah. You gotta reflect and think about who was there with you through thick and thin, and then when you started your little come up and everything, who's starting to emerge and talk to you now? And you just gotta it's it's a it's a situation, man. And yeah, but yeah, bro. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

Or they want to know, oh, you had that guest on, a celebrity. Do you think they would come and speak at my event? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. No, no, they're not gonna.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

I don't I'm not gonna ask you to do that. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, definitely all the time.

SPEAKER_03 13:50

Or can you advertise my product on your podcast? I could if you give me money. Sure, I'll do I'll do whatever you want.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Yep, yep, I've been getting that. Yep. But if there is one good friend who has a podcast and I've been passing some of my guests to him, he'll be like, hey man, do you think that Touch and Such could come on? I'd be like, let me talk to him, let me shoot your information to him and see what he says. If he reaches out to you, then he reaches out to you. If he don't, then he don't.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

I do that too. I'll I'll refer guests that I've had them to other podcasts too. Podcasters I support, other podcasters. I I'm like, we're all one community, the podcaster. So I do that. But if people want a favor outside of a podcast, I'm like, uh-huh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Yeah, yeah, you're not wrong, man. You're not wrong. I I feel you. So was there ever was there an intention behind making the gay part of the identity of the show instead of making sexuality the only identity of the show?

SPEAKER_03 14:40

The show really has changed. It's not even I think a bit gay is a good title because it's just like it's it's just a part of the show. I think I did it more just to pull in that community a little bit more. But I look at my demographics and I look at who's following me. And I have an interesting demographic where I have a lot of women from all communities, straight women, Latino women, Latino women, black women, white women, I have everything from a woman about is about 40% of my audience.

SPEAKER_02 15:13

Right.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

And they could be housewives, moms, retired. So I have a little bit of everything. And then the rest, I have 40% kind of men, and then that are gay or bi, and then the rest 20% is like straight men. Yeah. So I have a I have a really good mix of of people. And I don't even I don't really talk about, I don't I I guess my show show isn't focused so much on sexuality so much. It's more about just things that will come up in the gay LGBTQ plus community. So I live in Boston, and I think the Boston gay men that are here are not so nice and friendly. I think they're they need to chill out a little bit and not that they think that they're much more than they are. And so I talk about that sometimes. Uh how how they they're they they think they're all that and they're not even half of that. So that's how I feel that.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Yeah, I asked that because it was an important distinction there. You're gay, but presumably you don't wake up every morning like, good morning, time to begin it, begin another gay Tuesday. No. You're a whole human being. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

That's why only one episode a week out of the five I do is really it probably has a gay guest on. The rest are normal, everyday people. Or I don't even know what their sexuality is or anything. Right. It could be I don't know what they are. Because we're talking about because uh they wrote a book because they're an author or they're doing a new music album or they're doing a movie or whatever. So I don't know, and I don't even know it what they are, and and I don't I don't ask. I don't I don't know. Sometimes I don't even care.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

I I gotta throw this out, man. Just uh getting to know you uh for this brief time. I like you by the way. You probably the only person from Boston I like, but you don't have that Boston accent, but No, I grew up in Miami. Yeah, okay, because I'm from New York. We the whole Boston, New York rivalry thing and Well, I lived there for 17 years. Okay in New York. In New York? Yeah. Okay. City or New York State? Okay.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

Yeah, in Manhattan and Brooklyn.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Okay, so what's what what what's better? New York City? Let's get this out of the way. New York City or Boston? Uh New York for sure. Okay, okay. Thank you, thank you. Um, I hope I don't lose any listeners and no support from that. I hope you don't lose any. I'm just saying the truth.

SPEAKER_03 17:23

I I go back to New York several times a year. I was just there in June. And if I had more money and I could afford a place that wasn't $7,000 a month for an 800 square foot apartment, I would move back.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Right. I said the same thing, man.

SPEAKER_03 17:38

I there's something about New York that I love. I did after COVID, I didn't love New York for a few years because it just like the city fell apart. But whether people like this new mayor or not, he's really cleaned up the city. Yeah, I like him. I like him too. I think he's great. Yeah. Crime is the lowest it's ever been. There's less murders and stuff. It's like it you I walk in New York. I never felt unsafe really in New York, but yeah, I don't know. I I I I love New York. And if I had the money, I'd move back.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Then it's settled. It's settled. New York is is is is the best. And and don't forget, we won a chip. New York Knicks, go Knicks.

SPEAKER_03 18:13

And I have a Yankees hat that I have worn in Boston before. No, no. I mean I I wore it because I just like grabbed a hat to put on and went to go do errands. And let me tell you, these Boston people will fight you if you wear a Yankees hat. Yes, I know, I know. They're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I'm I'm walking down the street. Why you got that hat on? And I'm like, you put the wrong hat on today. I'm like, no, this is my Yankees hat. I'm I'm I'm a Yankees fan.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

So uh please don't do that ever again, is that I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 18:45

Unless I have a unless I have a switchblade with me or something.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

Yeah, man. I like you, man. I don't want nothing to happen to you, man. All right, so do you think society sometimes reduces LG, B TQ plus people to sexuality while claiming to celebrate their identity?

SPEAKER_03 19:03

Yeah, of course, yeah. I think that I think that over the last couple of years, uh, when they try to get rid of DEI with these corporations and they're trying to make take all that stuff away, I think uh the people that were homophobic and racist, they always were. But now I think that they feel like they have permission to say what they want out loud.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

And which is really sad. Because I look back whenever I'm again, I don't want to be super political, but I look back when Obama was president and how many great things were happening for the LGBTQ plus community and how there was same-sex marriage that was made legal. And so much and people, I feel like the the world was or the country was coming together. And I felt like there was less hate and racism and homophobia and stuff. Right. And now I feel like all these country bumpkins that live in the South feel like they can just say whatever they want and they are marching around doing the high Hitler salute with their Confederate flags and stuff, and now they think it's okay and they can get away with it.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:02

And so I I I I can't wait for there to be a huge change in this country. So I just it's it's gotta come soon.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

Yeah. All I could do is ponder, think about it, visualize it, dream of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Um I feel like we took 20 steps forward when Obama was in office, and now I feel like we've took 30 steps backwards.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Yeah. I don't know what happened, man. Well, I have a theory, but yeah. So let's let's yeah, let's change gears and get into some uncomfortable territory. Okay, go for it. Okay, we have more identity labels today than perhaps any generation before us. Yes. Any for some people, those labels finally give language to something they felt their entire lives. But can labels also become cages? Yes, they can.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

So there's some I I go on TikTok sometimes and I look at some of these comedians doing these videos about he, him, they, Xer, Xer, whatever, whatever. They're like saying there's so many different labels that people have. Me, as part of the LGBTQ plus community, there's way too many labels, I think, personally. I think there's too much. And I think whenever I meet somebody, I'm like, hi, I'm Zach, I'm gay. I don't say that. I'm not, I'm Zach Randall's Friedman. I, oh, what do you do? I'm I do a podcast. Cool, what's it about? I'm like, oh, I just interview guests. I don't go into this gay or LGBT or whatever. Uh if they ask me more about it, I'll I'll go into it. But I do think that people are put in cages whenever there's all these different identities and all these different things. Yes, I understand that people maybe spent their whole life in the closet and now that they're out, or maybe they thought they they're transgender and now they're out and they they want to be proud of it. But I don't think it has to be everything they are, though. That's the that's the thing. I think people make these labels everything about who they are every day. And I think you just I think if you just live your life who you want to be authentically, that's a better way to do it than just, hey, look at me. I woke up today and now I'm uh I'm transgender or I'm gay or I'm whatever. Just just be who you are and don't. Don't you don't have to push it in people's face either. That's the other thing. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Right. Like can can we become so committed to defining ourselves that eventually we start separating ourselves?

SPEAKER_03 22:11

Yeah, exactly. I people are separating because of this. When people are are going into their own communities and then they don't want to go into another community and they don't want to invite anybody into their community and stuff. And it's just, it's it's crazy. Right. And I live in Boston, which is a big liberal bubble, and people pretty don't care really who you are. It's kind of like New York in a way, where you can be whatever you want to be and whoever you want to be. But you leave the Boston area and you go up to New Hampshire. It's a whole different world there. So it's it's it's it can get scary. And that's why I think that everybody just it's just their authentic self, and you don't have to go and advertise it every morning when you wake up. I think that's a better way to look at it.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Right. Because I think there's it's there's a paradox here. You know, like people fought incredibly hard to say, see me, yeah, recognize me, respect who I am. That's legitimate. But at what point does understand my differences need to coexist with remember how much we have in common?

SPEAKER_03 23:06

Yeah, I agree. I totally agree. And I respect anybody that wants to be whatever they they can be whatever they want to be, but uh I do think there are times where it's just that's what their whole life is, is trying to prove to everybody else who they are. And it's just this why don't you just live your life and just be you don't have to throw it in everybody's face. That that's that's what I don't love about sometimes the LGBTQ plus community because you have these people that that's all they're that's all they're saying over and over and over. I'm gay, I'm bi, I'm trans, I'm this, I'm that. Okay, but is that all you are? Is there's nothing else more to you than that? So I I I hope people start just living their life and not having to put a label on themselves at some point.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Here, I have some I have a good one for you, Zach. Can identity politics sometimes accidentally undermine the human connection that it was trying to create?

SPEAKER_03 23:56

Yeah, totally. Yeah. If you think if you look at what's happening in just what's happening in the news today, how there's all these anti-LGBTQ plus laws that are there's 707 laws in 2026 that they're trying to do that's anti-LGBTQ plus. So I think that has turned some people against the LGBTQ plus community that probably didn't have a thought about them before. So I think that now it's on their mind because that's what the government's doing.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Right. Excuse me. Something that doesn't get discussed enough is the disagreement within the LGBTQ plus community. People talk about the gay community or the LGBTQ plus community as though millions of people received one giant group text and agreed on everything. Yeah. You know? Obviously, they didn't. Yeah. You know, how politically and culturally diverse is the community from your experience? It's so diverse.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

Lesbians have their own kind of group, and there even within gay men, there's different gay men, types of gay men that are in their own group. You have the bears, the twinks, the circuit guy, you have all these different people. And you they don't mix a lot of times, even in their own community. And uh, even when you go out, if you go out to a bar or an event or something, you see how people are so segregated even in the community. So they're not mixing that much. And uh you have transgender people now that are are becoming more uh vocal and stuff, and they're they're on their own world compared to the rest of the LGBTQ plus community. And and I've talked to transgender people before, and they say, Yeah, gay men don't like us and stuff. So I like I like transgender people, I think they're great. But some gay men I could see just they're like, nope, you're not part of this community. And I got a I got a lady on my uh Instagram or TikTok video that I just posted. She goes, I don't want it to be LGBTQ plus. I just want it to be LGB. And she doesn't she doesn't want the T and the Q and the plus on there anymore, she said. I asked her why. I haven't heard back from her, but I I She's still thinking about it. Yeah, she's still thinking about it. This was just yesterday when I got this too. I also had a I wanted to interview a guy who was a gay MAGA Republican because I wanted to ask him, and I was gonna I was not gonna be biased at all. I was just gonna be like, tell me how, because MAGA hates you. So tell me how you can be a MAGA supporter as a gay man. And he went through and told me, and then he starts telling me how he hates gay people, even though he's gay himself. He hates transgender people, he hates everybody in the community, and God said it's bad. And I'm like, okay. And that episode did not get aired.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

Identity crisis.

SPEAKER_03 26:28

Yeah. I mean, he says he's gay and he knows he's gay, but he says that his church says it's wrong. And uh he lives in Vermont. And I'm like, what do you live in a liberal state for? Why don't you move to Alabama or something? And he's like, Well, uh, I can't leave the state. And then I was arrested. I'm on probation. I'm like, okay, well, you you got more than that going on.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

So Right, right, right. He had, yeah, yeah. But at the end of the day, we're all human. It's always gonna be no matter what community you're in, people gonna dislike each other. That's just what it is. Yeah. And I think outsiders sometimes assume gay equals this political belief, black equals this political belief, yeah, veterans, etc., etc. Women equals this political belief. And human beings don't work like that. Yeah, they don't. So have you ever expressed an opinion where people essentially told you you're gay, you're not supposed to think like that?

SPEAKER_03 27:21

Oh, yeah, ever. Nothing that I can think of, or nothing that anybody said to my face like that that I can think of. But there's I'll I'll tell you that whenever I work in the corporate world, there's always one straight white man that always wants to make sure that I know he's straight and that he's and that he thinks he's a little more in control. There's it's at every company there's one where I'll come, he's like, Well, what did you like? Somebody will say, What do you do? Well, we're on a group call, let's say, what did you do? What did everybody do this weekend? I'll say what I did. And he'll make sure that he says, Oh, me and my wife and kids, and he wants to make sure I know he's not gay. I'm like, I I wouldn't care if you were gay or not. Stop trying to prove it to me. I I don't care. He's always and he, if I talk about my personal life at all, which I didn't with him that often, he would get very uncomfortable. So those are the type of things that I run into where he's just he's probably homophobic a little bit, doesn't really understand the LGBTQ plus world. It's he's as he's a super cathet, he's a Catholic, which is great for him, but his religion maybe doesn't accept the LGBTQ plus world. So he's got that. He's got six kids with his wife, and he's that's all he wants to talk about is the kids and stuff, which is great, but there's that's the only kind of thing I've ever run into where you have these white men that feel very privileged and they feel like that they uh are running the whole show.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Wow. Okay. Well, if it hasn't happened to you, maybe it will. You're probably like you're probably like striker asked me that on uh on his episode. Yeah, on his show.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't encountered that yet. But uh let's talk about outrage.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Because anger makes money online. You know, I see that a lot on TikTok. People love to see these videos of somebody getting their ass whooped or just just negativity. Fear gets clicks, conflict gets crazy engagement. It does. The algorithm, it just doesn't care whether we're becoming better human beings. No, you know, it cares whether our thumbs keep moving and it's just crazy. Do you think media organizations and content creators sometimes intentionally keep LGBTQ plus people and conservatives angry because both audiences are profitable when they're terrified of each other?

SPEAKER_03 29:35

Yeah, that's a good point. I'm sure they do. My TikTok algorithm is probably showing me a lot of things that the conservative side is doing to hurt the LGBTQ plus community. So I I think they are. That's what they're serving me. That's what the algorithm has has given me. Uh it's either that, I'm either getting that or I'm getting these crazy Karen's that are getting slapped in the face, which I I kind of like watching those for some reason. But uh when they come up and they're they're getting in people's business and then they get arrested or something. I kind of like seeing those Karen that happened into those Karen's. But yeah, there's a lot, I get I get served a lot of that from social media where uh there's something negative happening to the LGBTQ plus community and they're fighting back, or yeah, that that's that's they're doing it on purpose.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Yeah, because because if I could convince you those people are coming for you, you're probably coming back tomorrow. And if I if tomorrow I tell you actually everybody calmed down and I had a productive conversation, nobody clicks that shit. No, no one. That's crazy. How much responsibility do you think media have for this hostility we're experiencing?

SPEAKER_03 30:40

Uh a high percentage. I'd say it's probably 60 or 65%, I think, is is because of social media and what the media is putting out there. Yeah, totally. I mean what you and the content creators that are putting this stuff out there, they know exactly what the clickbait is for to get people to sit there. And so they're making millions of dollars on TikTok on these TikTok.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Millions.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

Millions.

SPEAKER_03 31:00

Even whenever I I have a program that takes clips of my podcast and pulls out the want the pieces of my podcast episode that will get the most clicks. And it tells me this is a 99% chance you'll get a click from this 60-second clip. And I've tested it and it's true. But a lot of times those clips that they're bringing out is something that's not so controversial, but it's something that's gonna draw people's attention. And so people are doing that same thing, but they're pulling out the controversial clips just to throw them up there and and to get me to look.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

Amazing. Yeah. Here's where I want to push you, Zach. Okay. Someone can support gay people having equal rights, equal rights. Yeah. And still disagree with you on specific polit a specific political issue. Yep. Correct?

SPEAKER_03 31:46

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. This is how I feel about it. So I am a Democrat and I'm liberal. However, I'll just say this. This is how I think about politics. If there was a Republican president candidate and a Democrat or Republican candidate, and the Republican was was a better fit based on what I want in this country, I would vote Republican just because I want the best person in office, not necessarily because they're Democrat. That's how I look at politics, and that's how I look at things. I want the person that's going to support everyone and not just one group of people. I want somebody that's going to bring the country together, try to get rid of this homophobia and racism, and that's what I want in this country. I so if I could have somebody like that and they were Republican, great, I'd vote for them. They don't have to be Democrat. If there is a bad Democrat running, I'm not going to vote for them. Exactly. And that's how I see the world. And they don't people don't have to agree with everything that I think about either, the way I think about things. As long as people are are thinking about other people and they're not looking to hurt a group of people, that's that's what I look for in a person.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Right. And because somewhere along the way, disagreement became interpreted as hatred. Yeah. It's yes. You know, sometimes hatred is just hatred. You know, let's not sanitize that.

SPEAKER_03 33:02

There's a lot of people out there that are just so angry and pissed off and just hate people. And I I I feel bad for them because that's how they're gonna live their whole life, probably.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Right, right. Sad, man.

SPEAKER_03 33:13

It's sad. And they just bring this negativity into the world and they spew it all over the line. And so the trolls that I get on my social media and stuff, I I have to stop looking at the comments eventually because I'm just like, it's just negativity.

SPEAKER_00 33:25

It's sad. Yeah. It's sad. It's sad. When is it gonna change? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 33:30

I don't know. I hope soon though, because I'm not sure how much further we can go in that negative direction. So I think we gotta do it, we gotta start turning around soon.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

Let's let's lighten this up a little bit by walking directly into another mindfield. Okay, do it now. Comedy. Yeah. Can't can straight people make gay jokes? Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_03 33:48

Yes. I I've seen Chappelle in uh live twice. I think he's great.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave Chappelle is hilarious. Yeah, he's hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 33:57

So he can absolutely a straight comedian can absolutely make gay jokes, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_01 34:03

Right.

SPEAKER_03 34:04

I even think I know there's a controversy about Dave Chappelle making these transgender jokes, but people didn't listen to his full story that were against that. Because at the end of that story with Dave Chappelle's transgender joke, he actually said that was a friend of his and he talked very highly about this transgender person. So people only took out the negative pieces of it and didn't listen to J Dave Chappelle's full comedy bit. So yes, but just like a gay comedian can make straight people jokes, which you see all the time. So I think it's I think it's fine to do that in my opinion. It's comedy. It's comedy. And if you laugh, you laugh, and if you don't, he just the the person just on stage trying to make make make live things or make things funny. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

It always touches things we're uncomfortable about.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I think so. There's a guy that I uh follow on on TikTok or Instagram, and like we were talking about at the beginning of the episode, people have all these labels, and there's this one person that came came on and was doing a video saying, I'm she, her, they, them, and all these other things. And the comedian stops the video and goes, This person's a fucking loser. Oh, am I allowed to say that? Sorry. No, you're good. You're good. He's this this person's a fucking loser. What's wrong with them? And then I I love his videos because he's like calling people out because this person has got 45 identities and they're only one person. And I love it that they're doing that. So I I think it's totally acceptable.

SPEAKER_00 35:28

So do you have a line like when does a joke become hateful to you?

SPEAKER_03 35:33

I think there's a couple of words that I don't think that people should say. I don't think the N-word or the F-word should ever be said in a joke.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

Those are the two, those are the two things that I think are the limit.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Right.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

Um or uh any other kind of racial term like that, what what people would maybe say something racially about an Asian person. I think those racial things should not be said. However, I think if a a gay man wants to say the F-word, I think he can if he wants to. I think he's he it's his it's his right to say that. So that but I don't think that a gay man or that that's that's white should say the N-word. So no, I there's there are lines there. Right. I think you've got to be re I think you just gotta be respectful for those. You can still make something joke, you can still make a joke and make a funny story without saying certain words.

SPEAKER_00 36:22

Yeah, just gotta be mindful, man.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

Yeah. And you you've discussed loneliness within gay life and culture. Yeah, I have a lot of lonely friends. Right. Let's strip away the politics completely. Is there lonely is there a loneliness problem among gay men that people outside of the community don't understand?

SPEAKER_03 36:43

Yeah, there is. A lot of my friends are single and they want to be in a relationship and they want to be married. And I've been in a relationship for 28 years next month, and I'm I feel very fortunate and and I've haven't been lonely in 28 years. Uh in fact, sometimes I want to be alone. But I uh there's a lot a lot of my friends are lonely and they are looking for somebody and they can't find anybody because they're on all these apps and they're getting ghosted, or they're getting catfished, and they're meeting people online that talk to them for two weeks straight every day on text and on these apps, and then all of a sudden they disappear and they're just ghosted. Or they my friends have met somebody and gone on three or four dates with them, and then they have plans on that Friday, and then the person just completely disappears and never answers the text again. So there's a lot of loneliness. I've had friends that have been in single and without meeting anybody for numbers of many years in a row, and they just want to grow old with somebody. They want to have somebody that they can count on and move in with together and have a happy life with, and they're just you're alone.

SPEAKER_00 37:44

Yeah. Because yeah, yeah, that's terrible. And somebody because somebody can have followers, friends, dates, sex, yeah, tension, and still feel profoundly alone.

SPEAKER_03 37:56

Yeah. And a lot of people are using social media and putting out a life that's out there that's not even really their life. Yes, yes. It's a fake life that they're putting out. They're they're putting out every happy moment or making up these happy moments.

SPEAKER_02 38:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 38:07

And then I talk to them when I see them and they're not happy. They put out all these pictures of doing selfies and smiling and they're in front of a beach or something, but at the end of the day, they go home after work and they're sitting there by themselves. They have they're eating dinner alone, they're watching TV alone, they have no one to talk to, and they're lonely.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

Yes. Good point. Good point. Yeah, you're absolutely right. I was just talking about that with my brother uh not too long ago. People is is just faking it. You know, I don't know. Maybe that makes them happy in the moment doing that, and then you shut down the the so you get off the site, and then it's back to reality. It l maybe they get a brief moment of happiness.

SPEAKER_03 38:48

Yeah, but which is sad though. They should be happy. I mean, I I don't know. I I guess people do what they gotta do to survive, but I yeah, I feel bad for her because I know what their real lives are from being off social media and it doesn't always match.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

Yeah, I agree with you. Social media is just do you think social media has made people perform? Yeah, like made them do it, you know? Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_03 39:12

I was there at one point too, where I stopped being friends with somebody and I ended up putting a bunch of things I was doing with my other friends on social media just to show them I didn't need them. I did it like five or six years ago myself. So I think everybody goes through that. Or if somebody's dating somebody new, they want to make sure everybody knows that they're dating this new person and they're putting all these pictures out of them together and stuff, having a good time.

SPEAKER_01 39:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:33

So people just make up these stories that are not fully who they what their life is. Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:40

Right. Cause you see it, right? Everybody's traveling. So everybody's healed, authentic, everybody's living their best life, living it true. Meanwhile, half the country is lying in bed at 217 in the morning scrolling through strangers, wondering why their life on live suck. Exactly. You are so you hit the nail on the head. That is exactly what's happening. Wow, wow. This I don't want to say it's funny, but it's sad.

SPEAKER_03 40:08

It's sad. But everybody knows, and the other thing is that everybody knows this is what the world is, and nobody's doing anything to change it.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 40:15

Like everybody's It's all about the money.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

It's all about the money. Yeah. Yep. That's all they care about.

SPEAKER_03 40:22

And when that person is waking up at 217 in the morning scrolling, they're making somebody a few thousand dollars. You know?

SPEAKER_00 40:27

Yep. And as somebody who works in media, how do you keep from becoming your own brand instead of remaining a human being?

SPEAKER_03 40:34

Well, I have a podcast advisor that I talk to weekly, and he does, he advises some really big podcasters. I'm like nothing compared to who he advises and who he's helped and managed. And he always said he will tell me whenever I am letting this get to my head. Uh, if I ever think I'm more than I am, he would tell me. And I I never do. I got I was out at a bar a month ago and somebody came up to me and says, Oh, I know you. And I said, I don't think I met you before. Oh, no, I know you from your podcast. And it was the first time it happened. I'm like, oh, thanks. And I I was shocked because sometimes I feel like nobody's listening to this podcast. Even though I see the numbers, I'm like, who's really listening? Who really cares what I have to say? I have imposter syndrome sometimes. So I don't think I'll ever be that person that lets this podcast go to my head. Because I only thing I want to do is I want people to listen and hear the stories that I'm telling them to people. I don't care about being famous. I don't care about being on a red carpet. I don't care about any of that. I just want people to hear these amazing people's stories that I'm telling.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

Right. I agree with you 100% on that. I agree. Who would you interview? What would you would you interview someone who fundamentally disagrees with you?

SPEAKER_03 41:44

Yeah, I think in the right context, I would. I would, I don't want to get into a debate in my podcast, but I would I would have I would have somebody on, depending on what the topic was.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 41:58

Like if somebody came in and said, I love ice and I want everybody that's not an American citizen out of this country, I don't know if I could have that person on.

SPEAKER_01 42:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:07

Um, but I don't know, if there was somebody that wanted to come on and talk about, I don't know, the governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis, and all the things that he does against the LWT Plus community. Oh gosh. I think I could talk to somebody about that and say, okay, let's let's break this down what he's doing. And and let me see. I'm not gonna try to change their mind, but I just want some to think about what he's really done.

SPEAKER_00 42:26

I used to live in Florida, man. Me too. That's my really what part? I lived in Miami. Miami, okay. I was in Central Florida. Yeah. Uh Orlando. Uh yeah, winter. I would never go back. Never. Never.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

Never, never, me either. I didn't even want to go there to vacation because I don't want to get the same.

SPEAKER_00 42:45

I don't even want to fly over over Florida. I don't even want to. That place has traumatized me or the any place I the beaches is is nice and everything, but no. No. No Florida for me.

SPEAKER_03 42:58

I grew up in Miami and I'm never I don't think I'm ever gonna go back. So that's it.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

Don't don't do it, Zach. Don't do it. I'm not. We're doing good, man. Let's let's let's let's let's keep it that way.

SPEAKER_03 43:07

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

So so so somebody's worldview totally makes you uncomfortable. They're they're a no-go on your show.

SPEAKER_03 43:14

Yeah, if they're if they're racist, homophobic, and all that, all the things that I am not, I'm not, yeah, I don't need to have them in my life. And I don't want my the people listening to my show to be exposed to idiots like that.

SPEAKER_00 43:26

So how about a conservative activist?

SPEAKER_03 43:28

Depends on what they're what they're standing for. It depends. Okay. Like I have conservative people on my show from time to time. Again, my line is just the racism and homophobia. You can't be that and be in my show. If you you don't have to love everyone, but if you don't like groups of people, you don't like gay people or lesbian people or or or people from Mexico, or you don't like black people, you can't come on my show. Like that's that's just not that's not part. That's not how I was yeah growing up. That's not how I was raised, and that's not what my parents put in me, so I don't want to have any of that in my life. Right.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

I like to pick other podcasters' brains a little bit to bounce them off of what I'm thinking. Which is here's the dilemma. No, well, well, it depends. Kind of like what you said. It depends. I'm not, I'm not like a judgmental person, and things that kind of make me uncomfortable, I try to stay away from because I don't want it to mess with like the name of my show is we're all recovering, right? I'm still recovering. I don't want it to mess with my mental health later. And so I I agree with you. Some things is a no. It really depends, but some things I'll welcome the challenge. It just depends on the topic, really.

SPEAKER_03 44:38

Because no, go ahead. And I and I think it also just depends on how the person presents themselves too. So if you're gonna come on angry and pissed off, then Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

No, I don't need that energy.

SPEAKER_03 44:48

Yeah, I don't need that energy either. I don't want the negativity coming on my show, and you know, I'm trying to do inspirational stories and talk about things that people have done that they survived, things that they're doing to make the world better, or things that are unique and not the negativity.

SPEAKER_00 45:03

Because here's the dilemma, right? Giving someone a microphone can amplify them. Yeah. But refusing to speak to them can also guarantee either the audience ever understands the other, basically. Yeah. So what's the responsibility of a host?

SPEAKER_03 45:19

I bring up topics I think that are maybe controversial sometimes about what's happening in the world that I don't agree with. And, you know, I was on this other podcast where this guy really wanted to dig into what was happening in Minneapolis and Minnesota with all the things that were happening with ice and stuff. And I was fine to talk about he was he was a gay man, and we were just talking about how the ice, they they hate LGBTQ, they hate anybody that's not whose skin is a little darker than their, they hate all everybody. And so I'll talk about those things from time to time. And I I think it's important that we don't ignore things, but I also don't think it needs to be the top of the conversation for every single thing that we talk about. So right.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

Bingo. So are there any questions that you hate? What's the question you're tired of being asked simply because you're gay?

SPEAKER_03 46:08

I think that so gay men have a I think they have a stereotype of being very promiscuous and being open in a relationship and sleeping around with everybody. And so I've been in a relationship for 28 years and we have been monogamous and never cheated in 28 years. And so I think that people come on my show and say, Well, you should try to be with somebody else. I'm like, why? And so that's the question I always get. How can you because a lot of relationships now with gay men, they're in an open relationship. So they're allowed to go out and sleep with other people. And I and that's great for their relationship if it works. I'm not judging them. But just not for me. And so uh I I don't want I don't want that in my in my life. And it took me a while to accept that other people do w want that, have that. And but a lot of my friends that are that are in relationships, they're open. And I just even my straight friends now, they're big, they're they're in open relationships now too, where they're just they're like, Oh, my husband's traveling and he wants to meet somebody at a bar. I'm allowing him to do that.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:08

All right, well, whatever works for your marriage.

SPEAKER_01 47:10

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 47:11

It's your prerogative.

SPEAKER_03 47:12

Yeah. As long as it doesn't hurt me, I don't care or hurts anybody. That's that's how I look at things.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

Yeah, and yeah, every in every group have those questions. Black people, veterans. Yeah, especially uh as a veteran, I've been getting I've got the I get the same question all the time. What is it? Tell me. I can't wait to hear this. Do you have PTSD? Okay. Or a second runner up is have you killed somebody? They asked that really? Yeah, yeah. The top two. And but it uh it it drives me crazy, especially the PTSD one. But now I just be like, Yes, I have PTSD. Anything else? You know?

SPEAKER_03 47:47

Yeah, my dad had it too. And uh I asked my father uh whenever I was very young that question of did you kill anybody? And he goes, Don't ask that again, and we're not ever talking about that again. I said, Okay. And that's why I learned he goes, You don't ask people that. And that's what he told me. So that's why I know it's you don't go there. Yeah, people are very interested in that, right? Yeah. That was a kid, that's why I asked, but I I wouldn't I would never ask anybody that today. Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:13

What's the question you think straight people are afraid to ask gay people?

SPEAKER_03 48:17

I think that sh straight people may be scared to ask, oh, are you a or do you do you like straight men? And my answer to that is I'm gay, but if there's a guy that's a good looking, whether he's straight or gay, I can tell. But I also think if there's a woman that's a good looking, I'm I I love good looking women too. So I'm a gay man, but I like boobs still. And I know that may sound weird, but I like boobs for some reason.

SPEAKER_01 48:42

And hey, you like what you like, right?

SPEAKER_03 48:44

Yeah, I don't know. I always I always like my friends' boobs and stuff, and as a gay man, I got to see them probably more than most straight men have. So yeah, it's fun.

SPEAKER_00 48:51

I've well, I've I've had a question that I I just don't want to feel like overstepping. You can ask me anything you want. Like you but I've like that question I'll I've always had in the back of my mind because I've heard it that because I've had gay friends and uh especially in the military, you wouldn't you wouldn't believe it, right? But uh I've had a gay friend and I wanted to ask him, but never asked him because we we was he he used to come to all my house parties and everything. Can you tell if another person is gay? The vibe. Yeah. Or is it like can you just walk in a room and tell or a room full of men and tell this guy is gay?

SPEAKER_03 49:27

Most of the time, yes. And you can also tell when there's a guy that's coming off saying he's straight and he's gay, because that happens a lot of people. There's a lot of men that are on the down low. And you can I can I can most of the time spot them out. I have to say though, this younger generation though, that's here, these younger kids in their early 20s, these guys that are straight, they are wearing foundation and makeup and their hair is perfect, and they're a little too pretty. So I can't even tell. I can't tell if the younger people are gay or straight, or they haven't figured it out. And I and they also don't want to be labeled, some of them either. They're like, I I don't know what I am. I'm trying to figure it out. So they just don't talk about it. So I think that new generation is harder. But people 30 up, most of the time I can spot if they if it's if it's a gay man or not.

SPEAKER_00 50:16

There's a there's a new, I don't know what they call themselves, but there's a new category of sexuality where they don't where they don't identify as anything. Asexual, I think. That is is it asexual? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:33

Okay, so pansexual is basically you would date anybody, whether they're gay, straight, man, woman, transgender, whatever they are, you would date it. You would date anything. That's what pansexual means.

SPEAKER_01 50:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 50:45

Asexual is where you have no interest in really being with anybody. You're just like, you don't want to date, you don't want to do you're just like, I don't know, not you have no you have no desire to be with anyone. That's what asexual is. But I think you were probably talking about pansexual where people just they and they also don't necessarily want to identify themselves as anything either. They want to kind of just be everything.

SPEAKER_00 51:06

Right, right. You can't like I was I I came across something online. I read all the comments, people comments, and they was getting into an argument, and one girl said that she wasn't a girl or a boy or something. Don't call her. Non-binary. Yeah, yeah. Okay, that it that's what it is. Non-binary. Non-binary, yeah. Okay. I'm just I gotta get it all right, man. It's just so much to Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:30

Yeah, there's there I think more people are coming out and saying that they don't want to pick what they are, but I I don't know. I don't I don't fully understand it. I'm not against it, but I just don't understand it. So Right. I don't understand it neither. I'm trying. Yeah, I'm trying to.

SPEAKER_00 51:45

Because I want to be respectful to everybody. Same. You know?

SPEAKER_03 51:48

Yeah. If people don't want to pick what they are, but I think at some point you have to know what you are. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 51:54

I called somebody a ma'am, and somebody pulled me to the side and said, Don't call her ma'am. I'm I'm like, so how do I refer to her? Don't call her she or or or I'm like, so what do I call her? What was the answer? They gave me the answer. That's why I can't remember. I can't remember right now. It's a specific, I have to look it up. It's a specific, yes. Yes, yes, they them. Yes, what it is.

SPEAKER_03 52:22

Yeah, so those are non-binary people, which is called they them. And it's been around for a few years. I'm trying to wrap my head around it still, I think. Just to I again, I respect anybody. You can be whatever you want to be. As long as it's not hurting anybody, be whatever you want.

SPEAKER_01 52:35

Right.

SPEAKER_03 52:36

But they them sounds like it's more than one person to me. Them sounds like it's so that's what I'm trying to wrap my head around is you're one person, but you want to be a them, that means more than one person.

SPEAKER_00 52:45

So but you gotta respect it, I guess. That's how I look at it. Right, right, right. I just shut up. I just won't speak. Like if I'm greeting you and I know that's what it is, they them, I just won't greet you. I until I get a damn pet. Because I don't want you to curse me out. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So, Zach, after sitting across from so many people and hearing deeply personal stories, have you become harder to offend?

SPEAKER_03 53:12

Yeah, I think that the comments on social media have made me more harder to offend as well. So there's a lot of trolls out there that want to want attention, and I realize you can't respond back to them because I'd really go off in some of these comments sometimes on people and they would say something negative about not necessarily me, but about the people I was interviewing. And now I just ignore the comments. I don't even look at them a lot of times because it's not I'm giving them oxygen to to be negative whenever I do that because they just want attention.

SPEAKER_01 53:41

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 53:42

Um, but yeah, I've definitely become a different person doing this podcast. I think about death differently. I think about people differently. I I'll I'll I'll be honest with you. Before I started this podcast, I didn't really understand transgender people. I I wasn't against them and I didn't dislike them. I just didn't understand it. Now I've interviewed so many transgender people. I have a humongous respect for them because they have chosen to be their authentic self. I met a I I interviewed this woman who at 62 decided to go from being a man to a woman. At 62 years old, she had to tell her wife and kids that she is now a woman. That's so that's brave to live your authentic life like that. And so I respect people that no matter what age. There is a woman I just interviewed two weeks ago who was in the military as a man her entire career, and at 53, she decided to that she was a woman. And now she's living as a woman. And and I just you you it's not hurting anybody, and you just have to respect people. And I just I have a completely different mind frame of transgender people. I respect them so much. I understand it more now. And uh yeah, and I and I think I just don't take any shit from people anymore. I used to, maybe a little bit. If somebody says something, I'll I'll call them out and be like, that's ignorant. You're stupid. Why are you saying stuff like that?

SPEAKER_00 54:56

So yeah, yeah. I completely I I completely get it. So let's just wind it down now. I ain't gonna keep you, I could talk to you all day, man, because I want you too. But but imagine somebody is watching us right now, Zach, who feels completely outside of every community. Maybe they're gay, maybe they're straight, just like how we was talking, mate. Then they maybe they're questioning, maybe they're politically homeless, simply lonely. They don't feel represented by the left or or nor the right. They feel represented by they don't feel represented by social media. They just don't know where they belong anymore. What would you say to that person?

SPEAKER_03 55:35

I would say that they need to find their group of friends. And I'll tell you that I've moved 18 times in 28 years to different cities, countries, and stuff for because of my job. So I've had to make friends in different cities many times. Whenever I I moved to Switzerland and knew no one really. So I had to make friends.

SPEAKER_00 55:52

Yeah. Switzerland? Yes. I would love to move to Switzerland, man.

SPEAKER_03 55:57

It's boring as hell, though.

SPEAKER_00 55:58

It's so boring.

SPEAKER_03 55:59

It's beautiful, but it's like the food is not good, and the Swiss people are just like, Sweden is good. Switzerland is okay.

SPEAKER_01 56:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 56:08

But what I would what I've done in the past is whenever I have moved to a city where I didn't know anyone, there's meetup groups that you can do. And you can, let's say you're into hiking, or you're into swimming, or you're into whatever you're into. You're into art, you're into going to see concerts, whatever you're into. Join one of these meetup groups and go out and meet people. Because there's going to be people that are like you out there that maybe have no one either in their life, and then you never know who you'll meet. And that's that's what I have done a few times in my past where I've done a hiking meetup group, and I met other people. They didn't they weren't necessarily gay people, they were just people that like to hike, and so we went hiking together, and then you end up becoming friends with them, and that's that's a way to meet new people, I think.

SPEAKER_00 56:50

And I gotta say, that's where war and your work intersect for me. Because recovery isn't always about recovery from drugs or alcohol, you know, or trauma. Sometimes your recovery, you're recovering from identity. Yes. You know, your voice, your ability to trust people, your willingness to belong again. And maybe the answer isn't finding a perfect tribe. Maybe it's just becoming comfortable enough with yourself that you don't need permission from one.

SPEAKER_03 57:20

Yeah. I don't think anybody needs permission at all to be who they want to be. So, you know, I think that that people should stop thinking that way and be just be who you want to be. Right. And just be be a kind human. Be nice to people and be who you want to be. That's all that's all you have to do. Care about people. I'm uh it's not like you have to go up and give everybody a hug that you meet, but just be kind to people. You know, if you're in a grocery store and somebody asks you a question, don't give them an attitude. Just just say hello to them if they talk to you or whatever. No, it's it's that's it's so it takes so little effort to be kind to people. Right. You'll feel better too. You will because you're and then you're spreading that kindness to other people. Because when you're nice to somebody, most likely you're gonna make them feel good, and then they're gonna go out and be nice to somebody. And it just spreads. And that's that's what I wish this world was. Just a little people were a little more kind to everybody.

SPEAKER_00 58:09

That's it. I love it, man. I love Zach. This conversation was awesome. I appreciate you coming, giving me your time, being willing to go places most interviews won't, because I don't think we need more conversations where everybody already knows what everybody's going to say. No.

SPEAKER_03 58:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:27

We need these conversations where somebody might actually change their mind. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:32

Well, you have an awesome show, and I'm glad you're doing what you're doing. So keep going.

SPEAKER_00 58:35

I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Tell everybody where they could find everything anything in a bit gay. Listen up girl, everything you're working on.

SPEAKER_03 58:44

Everything and anything in a bit gay. You can go to everything and anything podcast.com, listen upgirls, listenupgirl.com, and then you can go to all the you can see it on YouTube or all the I'm on all the podcast platforms, and just listen and let me know what you think. Send me a um on Instagram at the real Zach R E and you can send me a DM and I try to look at my DMs once a week and I'll write you back.

SPEAKER_00 59:04

And check out his links all in the description. Zach, thank you. Thank you again, brother, for coming. Thank you for having me on. You're awesome. Yes, thank you. It's where each one reach one. We're all recovering. Till next time, folks. Peace.